Definitely encourage you to follow your gut about diagnoses. I was dx’d with bipolar, depression, narcissistic disorder, anxiety, ocd…and nothing ever fit right.
I don’t match the classic stereotypical borderline that people think of because I’ve never tried to harm others or tried to kill myself or harmed someone’s belongings or anything like that. However, there is also “quiet” borderline, often born from trauma, which can be more self-destructive in subtle ways.
Having profoundly destabilized relationships and not knowing how to stabilize them; feeling drawn to chaotic dynamics over stable ones, in relationships; harming yourself rather than expressing anger out loud fearing others’ responses; waiting to be rescued rather than standing up for yourself.
These are my experience of BPD.
They’re the markers of BPD, however people express the resulting stress.
Therapists can be uneasy about the diagnosis depending on their feelings towards it. I found a marriage and family therapist who specializes in trauma. She gets it.