I absolutely think we all need relationships to feel safe, comfortable, and to find a sense of purpose in our lives. I think it is reasonable to associate your self-esteem and gain a sense of self from your ability to do this.

However, I think too many men project a sense of wanting to "attain" a relationship, the way that one would attain, say, a fancy car. They think they can work hard in predictable ways and then gain the woman of their dreams as a status symbol, an inert object, the way they would purchase a car.

The problem is, that woman may exist only as a fantasy.

Even if she does truly exist, she is a separate, independent person, with a mind of her own. She can't be "attained" or "bought" through an 'input equals output' equation.

If he can't give up his assumptions about how love ought to work, that it ought to feel like a capitalist function of attainment, then he'll never have a chance.