I appreciate how difficult it is to navigate life with someone who refuses help.
However, I actually find parts of your response really troubling, and I want to point those out in hopes of being helpful.
Why did you take it upon yourself to research your ex’s personality disorder? Have they even officially been diagnosed by an actual professional, or did you just decide on your own? Why is any of their business, your business?
As women, we do this. We turn our romantic partners into our projects. We obsess over them. We research their problems, Ye gods. I can tell you more about NPD than I can about BPD, maybe, because that’s how my exes behave. Why have I wasted my time caring?
Leave your ex alone. Their trauma is their own. It is not a burden. It is a wound. You’ve turned it into this shameful thing, but actually, that is your shame. Trauma does not cause people’s mental health problems. A lack of support and community and healing causes them. Without those networks, therapy won’t fix it.
I’m not some example of a “good” cluster B whereas your ex is a “bad” cluster B. There is no good or bad response to severe pain or trauma. I’m really frustrated by the repeated idea that with a little therapy and a lot of “hard work,” whatever that means, people who have lived through hell will be good as new. I am not remotely like a normal person. I never will be. That shouldn’t be the goal.
Your ex is better off without you.
Move on.