I appreciate your willingness to engage with my story, but I do want to point out a few things I wish you would consider.

None of us have to work at being "a joy" to be with. All of us are worthy of being loved even when we are grumbling, tired, depressed, awkward, annoyed, or selfish. We do have to erect healthy boundaries, we do have to practice good relationship skills, but we absolutely do not have to work at feigning any kind of goodwill that we do not feel.

One of the reasons why people avoid disabled people is exactly what you just mentioned. People assume that if we're in pain all the time, we must also be suffering emotionally--and that if we are, we will "drag them down." In fact, people who are disabled are no more or less likely to experience joy than anyone else. Joy is available to everyone. It's there if we keep breathing and keep on pursuing our passions.

No one owes it to anyone else to live up to some imaginary ideal of what it means to be a good or enjoyable person. We're all entitled to affection and companionship just by being ourselves. We all have to work at giving those things. It's not easier for anyone.