I keep encountering men in their 30s who are clearly looking for committed relationships, clearly looking to get married, but have not advanced beyond middle school dating norms.
They expect that they will show up, announce their feelings—and the woman will “play the girl” and take it from there.
Like all that is required of them to get from “I like you” to “in a committed relationship” is having a good job and a good resume.
The work of communicating about feelings, expectations, commitment..they can’t do it, don’t know how, it freaks them out, they want to skip it. They think some woman will come along who will do it for them.
Except women willing to do 100% of the emotional labor in a relationship are probably not women who will be very happy in that relationship.
It’s the peril of heterosexist expectations. No one wins.