I know that my mom gets her nails done regularly and got her hair dyed after it turned entirely grey, up until Covid happened. It wasn't vanity, it's because she's afraid her clients would judge her and it would affect her professionally if she didn't do those things. I just think that's really sad. I know that for me, there are a lot of things I had to learn the hard way about "professional attire." I worked at a synagogue just before Covid and I specifically asked during my onboarding whether there was a dress code. I was told "no." Fast forward to week 2, when my then-supervisor sat me down and told me I was exposing too much skin (specifically when I reached up to grab things, which seems a little mean) and needed to cover up. It quickly became clear to me that thinner women/women who worked as teachers, and not in the office, came to work braless, or showing quite a bit more skin than I did on a regular basis, but I'm very curvy, and I came to work wearing jeans that rode down on my hips when I lifted my arms up, and I'm plus size, and there was more scrutiny on my body as a result. These are the rules of patriarchy, and that's just how things are. I understand that, but how things are is terrible and sexist. Similarly, the idea that women are supposed to wear makeup, but pretend not to be wearing makeup, and pretend not to care that we're supposed to put a lot of thought and effort in while pretending to be putting no effort in.

I just hate the idea that I'm supposed to lead this 'hidden life' as a woman that men don't want to know about and don't care about. That these realities of this secret life are painful, that they actively cause me pain--most mainstream women's makeup is carcinogenic, high heels cause physical health problems, putting on lashes is painful AF. Men live in a world that expects these activities of women, as a performance, and they don't care what this costs me. Men want to be intimate with women's bodies, but don't want intimacy with what womanhood is or what it is comprised of or what it costs.