I recently tried to force a narcissist to have a conversation about his feelings for me, my feelings for him, and the passive-aggressive way he was simultaneously trying to shame me into silence but also to act out his own insecurities and rage and hurt in a highly visible way. He responded by accusing me of "violating his boundaries"--by calling him out on his own visible behavior? By trying to force a conversation he didn't want, about the way he was acting and how it was impacting me and what my needs were? By having needs and expressing them, or having emotions and expressing them, when he wasn't ready to do the same? Anyway, he responded by playing the victim and mustering his flying monkeys to kick me out of our then-shared living space.

Obviously I don't want to "violate" anyone's boundaries, but is it reasonable to expect someone to ignore his obvious behavior when it's also impacting me, AND we live together? No.

Is it reasonable to expect me to have zero boundaries, wants, and needs in that situation, simply because he finds these things annoying? No.

I still have a right to exist and to express my own boundaries and needs, even if he has hit his emotional limit. It's both unfair and unequitable to expect me to sit silently by and absorb his behavior passively until he's ready to talk.