I think it's like any abusive or cult-like community. These men are often charming and compelling, and they're the ones who make friends. They seek out women who are excellent at emotional labor but are a little mousy, not conventionally attractive, all on the outskirts of the group in one way or other. They know their place in the social hierarchy is determined by their relationship to the guy. So they're willing to put up with a lot of bad behavior.

None of this is to say that there can't be people who do poly in adult ways, where both partners have multiple partners and everyone seems satisfied...I just haven't ever actually seen that happen. Instead, I've seen guys who seem constantly thirsty and women who seem desperate for approval and validation from guys who seem like controlling daddy-doms.

It's like Don Draper everywhere you look.