I think the difference between men and women in the active/passive role here is that many men condemn women for taking the “masculine” role. We don’t just have to fear rejection, we have to fear being socially condemned for not being feminine enough in someone else’s eyes. For someone like me who is queer, the stigma is even worse.

And for a fat woman whose trauma means I find being “hunted” very triggering..dating is one endless humiliation in front of a very vocal Greek chorus.