I’m really glad you felt safe to post your real experience.
I appreciate you sharing.
My sense is that anytime we are willing to get into a pick-me competition with other women, we are indulging our insecurities. There is no way to win that competition because the actions we feel pressured to take, and the actions these men very often expect, are destructive to our self-respect.
Any man who expects that behavior is revealing himself.
When we learn to set clear boundaries and not get involved with these men, and not let them get close to us, we will be able to let go of our insecurities.
I think that is the first step to feeling empowered to express our romantic feelings effectively and truthfully.
We allow other women to get to us and don’t stand up for ourselves because we have learned our whole lives that we are obligated to be indulgent and kind to women closer to the center of power than we are. If we stopped being nice and focused not on fighting for a specific man, but instead on fighting for the territory of ourselves and our own emotions and reactions, we would feel much more entitled.
White, thin women work together to fight us off as invaders because the one thing every white person can agree on is we don’t deserve power and resources. They think even trying for these things is a violation of their territory.
It’s not their territory. Your feelings, your desire, are not their territory.
Don’t let them in.