I’ve definitely had friends complain that I was taking too much space talking about my trauma or my physical pain. The typical pattern is that people complain after the fact, and insist I disrespected their boundaries..by not intuiting that I was taking up “too much space” while they flat refused to take responsibility for themselves and assert those same boundaries.

That’s what this all comes down to, every time. Partners want something they’re not getting or they’re tired or overwhelmed, which is fine. But then they make it about our bad behavior instead of their needs. It’s fundamentally unfair.