Reasonable Rules of Healthy Sexuality

Because “Robert’s Rules of Order” is Right: We Need Rules

Botticelli’s The Birth of Venus

While we are finally starting to talk about consent, how many of us question the basic sexual standards we were taught growing up? How many of us seriously consider when sex begins and ends, what constitutes sex or does not, or what is appropriate sexual behavior? How many of us consider our partner’s comfort when we’re hooking up, and how many of us have pushed a partner’s boundary because we knew we could get away with it? How many of us got carried away with our feelings that one time, or were really drunk and not paying much attention to what we were doing that other time, and we suddenly realized we’d gone too far after it was much too late?

We have this tendency to talk about sexual rules as though we’re primarily interested in trying to stop someone from being hurt. That’s fine and all, but what about the rules to make sure pleasure happens, and feels safe to all involved? How do we make sure we’re behaving ethically, whether in the throes of passion, or following a sexual encounter that decidedly underwhelms? How can we bring the integrity of the person we want to be into everything we do, including sexuality?

I’m not going to tell you what to do here. I think you should develop your own rules. But while we’re at it, here are…