The Five Stages of Heartbreak

Grieving the Loss of the Man I Love

1. Denial

For the longest time, I thought he would come back. I texted him, even though I knew he didn’t care what I had to say. I wrote endless pages of romantic love poetry he would probably never read. I talked to everyone I knew about what happened between us, what went wrong, how I messed up.

I waited and waited for someone to say ‘I know how to get him back.’

No one did, but I kept trying.

The last time I talked to him, he said he was moving to my city. He said he was coming for an interview, and I said “let’s hang out” when what I meant was “tell me when you’re coming and I will go to the airport to wait for you for as long as it takes, even if all I get is a glimpse of you it will be worth it.”

I never said things like that out loud. It might have been different if I had.

I was raised by horses not human beings. I spent more time socializing with horses than with humans and all the humans in my life were scary and whatever it is inside of other people that allows them to trust each other? I don’t have that part of me. It’s broken.

I never said, I think I’m too broken for my love to be worth anything to you.