The world, rewritten in boy-speak

1. I meet him and I hate him already. He tries to talk to me like talking to me is a perfectly reasonable thing to be doing. He is utterly incorrect. He belongs on a different planet from me. A planet filled with pretty successful people. Where all the girls wear string bikinis and all the boys own impressively sized checking accounts. I stare at his face and gulp and nod weakly at his words until he goes away.
2. Love at first sight is the dream. But I don’t know what he feels and over time that not knowing, not trusting, tears me apart. I am filled with energy and I am always smiling but it’s really only ever because he’s here.
3. I never learned how to talk to straight men. Also I have spent the past four years in Gender Studies historical women’s college land not talking to straight guys. I keep hoping maybe if I look cute enough or say the right thing, he’ll come over again. But I still don’t know what to say.
4. I want to take all my clothes off in front of him, but we are surrounded by skinny girls in string bikinis. He talks to them, but looks at me. I don’t know why. I don’t know what’s happening. I feel instinctively that there is something I am supposed to be doing, something to bring him near me, but I don’t know what that is. And I think they would all laugh at me, him and his friends. Best to keep to the margins.
5. I spend a lot of days staring at the back of his head. It is as ridiculous as it sounds. I feel ridiculous doing it. I am trying to memorize as much about him as I can, for when he…