Those aren't really standards, though, right? Those are different STYLES. And yeah, people should leave other people the f alone as long as the thing is getting done.

But my experience, backed by statistics, is that men very often do not do chores, or do chores badly on purpose. So women are coming into situations with the unconscious expectation that this is what we will face, and we're already defensive-for good reason!

What we need is for men to understand what it's like to live with a steady stream of men, from fathers to male family members to housemates, who expect us to do all the work and either lash out or act childishly and feign incompetence whenever we insist they do even a tiny percentage of the chores.

And what it sounds like you need is for your partner to know that you're doing your best, and that you're not like those other guys. Right?