You're so sweet, and I really like your writing. I think this is a good conversation. I forget sometimes to clarify myself or be kind.

I really like to think about it in terms of performance.

So instead of thinking of it as 'men like to chase and women like to be chased,' I think of it as 'men are taught to chase and women are taught to be chased.' So if women chase and men feel uncomfortable and lash out, that response from them is not really about liking it or not, it's not about pleasure or pain, it's about discomfort.

So I would probably advise women to generally assume men want to chase, but not because male people are born with the impulse to chase or because it is somehow harming men or Doing Something Wrong by chasing them.

But because men are taught that chasing women is part of being a man. And threatening that feels to them like threatening their masculinity. They probably will not respond to that well.

For me, that helps 'denaturalize' the idea of men chasing women. It places our dating behavior in this context of current social expectations, rather than some sort of objective good.

As an academic/reformed academic, I come at this question from performance studies.